Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
