I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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