Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
