What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two words: nipple clamps
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