he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Pooping to opera.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
