Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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