Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Mom said you looked used
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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