just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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