The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
