fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
