I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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