my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
