If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
