It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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