the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
