So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
