I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
