So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
