...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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