I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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