problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
