At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
