i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
