I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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