I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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