96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this just has baby written all over it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
