My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
