I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
