i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
