my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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