it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
