I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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