1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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