she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
