There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
