you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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