So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
