"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
