my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
