peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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