I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
