shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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