CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
