This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
