the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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