my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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