Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
