Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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