That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize
