Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
