4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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