it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
