Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
