i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
