I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize