is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
