Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
