I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
