I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
