I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
