You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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