You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I puked a lego.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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