My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
