im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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