I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He better not be in your backpack
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
