Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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