New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
