Yo dont text me then not text me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
