I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
