oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome