Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.