wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...