Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
