I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
4 words: hood of his car
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
