We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
