My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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