omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
