I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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