Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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