I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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